The Wedding Night
by Sheo Darren
Summary: What could possible happen on the first night Bridget and Dizzy will spend as a married couple? Trouble, of course! First Guilty Gear fan fiction. One-shot crack fic. Read and review!


**Sorry, devoted readers, my entire computer went down! While I'm still trying to recover my lost files, consider this as a heartfelt 'SORRY'. My first attempt at writing Guilty Gear, mostly humor and a bit suggestive but not _hentai_.**

Guilty Gear is not mine. So are all the anime and ideas and movies and games I will shamelessly plagiarize here, including Kaiser Ryouga II, Chisaii04 (please forgive me!), Hellsing, Star Wars, Castlevania, et cetera, et cetera...

This story is dedicated to my buddies Jer and Butch, who provided the idea for this story, and to Rocky, whose sadistic overlordship over my RPG role of Bridget has spilled on over me.

Please enjoy.

GUILTY GEAR THE WEDDING NIGHT 

"You're gonna what?"

May, the ever-dependably bratty Jellyfish pirate girl, stared at her friend like he had suddenly sprouted a second head. Her glass of juice was empty, namely because she had sprayed all of it out of her mouth and onto the speaker.

Bridget wiped away the sticky orange juice from where it had hit his face. Luckily, his 'nun' hood had caught the worst of that manmade orange waterspout.

"You heard me right," he said nervously.

"Lemme get this straight." May did not apologize; she went right on the attack. "You think you're meant for each other?"

"Yes."

"You think you'll stand up for her?"

"Yes."

"You think you'll love her 'till death do you part?"

"Yes!"

"You think you can put up with all her bad points?"

"Yes!"

"You think you can propose to her to marry you?"

"YES!"

"You think you can jump her bones on the wedding night?"

Bridget was about to yell out a resounding 'yes' but then fell silent.

"Well?" demanded May.

The blonde English bounty hunter fidgeted a bit. "Uh…"

His feisty pirate buddy gave him a critical look.

The boy fidgeted some more.

"Are you gay?" May bluntly asked.

Bridget blushed. "NO!"

"Do you think you can do it, then?"

"I… know the rudimentary stuff and such…"

"And I bet you learned all of that from the Catholic school you went to."

"No! My parents told me."

"How nice." May smirked a bit. "Well, let me inform you about the facts of life as it really is. Listen up."

Obediently Bridget bent over to listen.

Bridget stared at the set of books May had given him to study.

_Kama Sutra, 1001 Ways of Pleasing Your Bed Partner, Hentai 101, Dealing With Dominatrixes,_ and the like.

"What kind of research is this?" he demanded.

"Oh, would you want something else?" May looked a bit annoyed. "Boys do respond better to images than to words."

So saying, she shoved a stack of VHS tapes into Bridget's hands.

"Here. That came from Johnny's personal collection. It should do for you."

"Just what is 'Johnny's personal collection' all about? Sex education?"

"No. Just the 'sex' part… Now, look, you've dropped the tapes and damaged them. _Baka Bridget_"

Dizzy was playing with a small flock of birds that had gathered around her when Bridget came running in. The boy was blushing furiously and was out of breath. He had a big bouquet of roses in his arms.

"Dizzy… for… you…" gasped Bridget as he gave her the bouquet.

"That's so sweet of you," Dizzy exclaimed. She loved roses.

"Thank... you…"

"Are you okay, Bridget?"

"…Yes…"

"Maybe you should get a breather?"

"He doesn't need one," commented May as she arrived as well. She patted Bridget on the back appreciatively. "You didn't really need the roses, but that's a nice touch to it. Johnny couldn't have done less."

"Stay… away… from… me…" Bridget wheezed.

"Aw, poor Bridget's virgin ears and eyes couldn't take up the abuse of adult life?" 

"Adult life?" he snapped back, "Or pornography?"

May snickered. "The Jesuits had gotten to your brains, boy. More's the pity."

"What do you mean?" Dizzy asked innocently.

Swallowing his pride and gathering all of his strength, Bridget suddenly fell on his knee and presented the surprised Dizzy with a cheap but nice ring.

"Why, Bridget, what is this for?"

"Dizzy," solemnly swore Bridget. "Will you marry me?"

"But, Father Maxwell!"

Monsignor Duo Maxwell, S.J. sighed in exasperation. What was it with the world these days? Even the youthful innocents were no longer safe from worldliness and sin that pervaded the staples of human society.

For example: These two cute and adorable young women before him who were so very loving with each other.

Never in his entire life as a refugee/thief/Sweeper/Gundam pilot/God of Death/priest had he ever personally encountered such a case! Even back then when people used to pair him with fellow Gundam pilot Heero Yuy for reasons so perverted that he wanted to throw up, Duo had never been face-to-face with such disgraceful things.

Until now.

"Have I not told you clearly enough in all my previous gospels and homilies? Besides, even if I were of mind to marry the two of you –which I'm not– the Mother Church forbids it!"

"Forbids marriages?"

"Forbids marriages between people of the same sex! I admire your love for each other, and there is nothing in the Bible against lesbians or gays in general; only the practice of sex between same-gender partners is forbidden."

"But, Father Maxwell…"

"No, that is that. I will not marry you, and that is that! You're lucky Father Anderson is not here; if it was him and not me you were talking to, may God has mercy on your souls."

Cut Scene to Father Alexander Anderson facing off against Alucard in London, with Seras Victoria and Yumiko staring at a departing train. Integral Hellsing is tied up on the railroad tracks a hundred meters from the rapidly approaching train.

**Father Anderson:** He he he he he he he heh!

**Alucard:** Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Show me your next technique!

**Seras: **Master, Master, the train is leaving! We have to catch it!

**Yumiko:** Oh, dear. takes off her glasses Time to kill me a vampire policewoman.

**Seras:** Why don't we go out for tea instead?

**Yumiko:** Capital idea. puts her glasses back on Your treat?

**Integral: **ALUCARD! DAMN YOU! GET YOUR ASS MOVING AND GET ME OFF THIS TRACK AT ONCE! I SWEAR I WILL STAKE YOU IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!

Father Maxwell rants on for more than an hour before finally concluding with: "Now please leave."

"Uh, Father…"

"Are you deaf?"

"No, but…"

"But what are you, then?"

"…Father, I'm a boy."

"Eh? Prove it."

Bridget took Dizzy in his arms and kissed her passionately. May applauded most reluctantly. She looked jealous.

Duo did not look convinced. "Kissing her is no evidence."

Sighing most tiredly, Bridget began to toss off his clothes until he was down to his boxers. Father Maxwell stared at him in shock as the boy began singing aloud a horridly phrased but riotously funny rap song he had pulled on Johnny once.

Aside, Chisaii04 stares at the scene. She rubs her eyes and blinks to make sure she's not dreaming this up. "Yup; it's real," she muttwers.

Dizzy was blushing while May slipped a twenty bill into the hem of Bridget's shorts.

"Ah," Duo said, finding his senses again. "Okay…"

Father Duo Maxwell held a private wedding mass for Bridget and Dizzy. Among the invited were all of the Jellyfish pirate girls, Zepp President Gabriel and his bodyguard Potemkin.

"…And if anyone has just cause to oppose this union between Bridget and Dizzy, speak your minds and hearts now… or forever withhold your word."

There was silence in the church as May shot everyone there a warning look and raised her monster anchor to underline her point. Beside her, Johnny was making a show of examining his razor-sharp katana sword. Beside him, the hulking Potemkin cracked his massive knuckles. The sound was like a redwood tree snapping into pieces.

No one moved.

"Well, then," Father Maxwell said in obvious relief. "If so, I now pronounce you –what in the _Seikishidan_'s name is that?"

The good priest was referring to a floating skull that suddenly materialized out of nowhere.

Johnny groaned. "So much for hoping he wouldn't know…"

A pool of blood formed beneath the skull and rose up to become the Gear reaper, Testament.

"What is this? Why is my precious Dizzy being married off to a scoundrel of a girl?"

"Actually, I'm a boy."

"Oh, Testament! You're late!"

"Why was I not told of this?"

"But I sent you an invitation!"

Aside, April made sure to move into the protective shadow of Potemkin.

"I cannot allow this! You do not deserve darling Dizzy! Therefore, girl, you must cease this!"

"I'm a boy, I'm a boy…"

"Okay, girls and menagerie and Zepp slave soldiers! Plan B!"

Johnny tackled Testament and bore him to the ground. Potemkin, May, April and the entire Jellyfish crew followed to the last girl, dolphin, cat and one big pink whale. The result was a massive dog pile with Testament at ground zero.

"No opposition here, Father!" Johnny managed to call out, even as their pile twitched so slightly.

"…Okay." Duo grinned. "Then, I now pronounce you, wife and –err, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Bridget and Dizzy kissed and that was that.

It was the nuptial night. The night where the newly married guy and girl are supposed to… um… to 'consummate' their love for one another.

For two people tonight, it was going to be a wild circus.

Bridget was nervous. He'd never had sex before, but he had a fairly good idea about the generalities and specifics. May had been some help in that, though her help was somewhat… let's just say Bridget was sorely tempted to wash her mouth with soap and lye.

Some people said it was painful for the girl involved. Bridget didn't want that. He didn't want to hurt Dizzy. Bridget wanted to make her happy.

He decided to sit down next to Dizzy and soften the situation with some talk.

"I promise I won't hurt you, Dizzy."

"I know you won't Bridget." She looked at him lovingly. "I trust you."

That assurance made Bridget's heart jump in joy. Blushing deeply, he began to stroke Dizzy's hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

Then all hell broke loose.

Necro and Undine suddenly popped out of Dizzy's back at the very moment Bridget touched her.

"Mistress Dizzy!"

Being a tad overprotective of Dizzy –and with a penchant for psychotic overkill to boot– Necro immediately did the 'Flick a strand of Dizzy's hair out of place and I send you flying with an uppercut' Dust Move at Bridget. Bridget obligingly ducked and dodged as the enraged 'System' wing began lobbing spinning scythes, hammers, tentacles and energy arrows at him.

"Die, scum! You do not deserve Mistress Dizzy!"

"What did I ever do to you to deserve this?"

"_Dame_, Necro! _Onegai yamete!_"

Meanwhile, Undine was lecturing Dizzy about the –ahem– 'birds and bees' and the duties and obligations of a wife to her husband. If you know what I mean. Her descriptions were accurate and lurid and very embarrassing, enough to make Dizzy turn tomato red and force Bridget –who would put up with Necro's mania but not NC-17 stuff– out of the bedroom in shame.

The day afterward was spent reinforcing Bridget's unsteady nerves. Having been the target of Necro's 'dragon laser' Gamma Ray did not add positive points to one's self-confidence. The fact that they had to relocate because Necro's blast took out half of the hotel also stung a bit.

Bridget was tempted to forego the nuptial night for at least a week. He was even gunning for at least one month.

"Are you a man?" May demanded of him. "If you are, then you're going to do this!"

In the end, Bridget reluctantly went back to the (new) nuptial bedroom. A sheepish but loving Dizzy, meek as a lamb and so nice in the arms–again, a pun– threw herself around him in greeting.

"Oh, Bridget," she gushed happily, "I'm so sorry for last night, Necro and Undine got out of control, it's all my fault."

Somehow, Bridget began to feel better. Maybe that was what love did to you.

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault, Dizzy."

"Don't worry about tonight. I told Necro and Undine to go off for a while. They won't be bothering us for tonight."

"Wonderful." He kissed her.

So, they got ready to do it again. Same routine: Dizzy sits in nervous anticipation; Bridget hesitantly tries stroking her hair.

Once more, hell broke loose.

Though Necro and Undine were a good distance away –courtesy Johnny and company– Dizzy and Bridget were far from alone in their bedroom.

Remember Dizzy's tail? Her tail, the one with a cute ribbon bow on it?

The tail came to life with vengeance, nearly taking off Bridget's head with a snap of its razor-edged mouth.

"Waaah! Help!"

"_Yamete! Onegai yamete_, St. Tale_! Dame, dame, dame, dame!"_

That did it for the young bounty hunter; chased off by the vicious fanged limb, Bridget high-tailed it outside again, leaving Dizzy to bemoan her tail and her fate…

The day found Bridget in Doctor Faust's office, seeking psychological therapy to steady his nerves. Unfortunately, Faust had been treating Zappa then. As usual, S-Ko woke up; Zappa went out of control once more, the Australian summoning Ghost Dog, the three Stooges, Bloody Sword and Raoh and reducing the good mad doctor's office into shambles.

Bridget was gone before you could say: "One week."

May had a field day tracking down Bridget but finally found him hiding in his personal Stage area. The Brit boy happened to be more scared of his potentially fatal nuptial consummation than of the pirate girl's fury. Hot words were exchanged, with 'brat' and 'girlie-boy' being the most commonly used. Words being not enough, the two resolved their arguments with fists and squeaky shoes and anchors and yoyos and whales and teddy bears.

After six hours of battle –with a 30 minute lunch break and half a dozen time-outs in order to retie undone shoelaces– May defeated Bridget with her unbeatable 'I luv Johnny' bear hug. Having reduced Bridget to an unconscious pillow substitute, May trudged back to the city to get things done at last.

Bridget resisted all attempts and coercions to go into his nuptial room and finally do it. Even threats of death and eternal suffering would not move the young Englishman.

So, since Muhammad would not go to the mountain, then Muhammad would be moved to the mountain.

Despite May's immense chi-energized strength, Potemkin's steroid-bulked-up muscle, all the Jellyfish girls' combined help and a pulley powered by the Mayship's 100,000 horsepower engine, it took nearly two hours to dislodge Bridget from his little niche and drag him into the bedroom.

Dizzy was waiting there already, looking very much sorry and adorably wretched. Bridget's resolve immediately melted when she threw herself on him for a big hug.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bridget, I never meant to hurt you or anything, it's all my fault!"

"Uh, no, no, it wasn't! I mean, it's okay now."

"Undine is out shopping tonight, and Johnny's babysitting St. Tale –she's my tail–, and Necro–"

The scene cuts to show Necro sealed up inside a golden lamp with numerous Japanese Shinto wards, Roman Catholic writs, Norse runes, Mystic Power Circles, Cromwell Initiatives and lots of bureaucratic red tape.

"That's lovely, baby."

"Yeah, it is."

They looked at each other with so much love. Dizzy waited as Bridget very gently stroked her hair and put one hand on her shoulder.

A pool of blood formed at the base of the bed. The furious Testament –still bandaged from the impromptu football session two days ago– emerged from it bearing his scythe.

"Testament!"

"Unhand my darling Dizzy, girl, or face the consequences!"

"I'm a boy. Why can't you get it inside your head?"

"Die!"

"_Dame!"_

Bridget sighed immensely as he sat on his heels and waited.

That overprotective potato-loving guardian of Dizzy's –Testament– had chased him off and out of the nuptial room. To make matters worse, Bridget had run into Undine and St. Tale outside, and had then accidentally released Necro from his restrictive prison. It was a miracle Bridget escaped unscathed, what with all the various Arctic Impalers and Michael Swords and vicious tails and Halloween trees lobbed at him.

No way in hell was he going back tonight.

As he pondered the meaning of all this insanity, Bridget heard footsteps heading his way.

It can't be Undine or Necro or St. Tale –they don't have feet. Testament hovers a few inches over the ground, his raven flies, and so does Dizzy. No squeaking, so that isn't May. Moving too fast, so it isn't Johnny, too (no Dash option, poor guy). Footsteps are too heavy to be one of the girls; plus it is definitely not Potemkin-sized sounds.

"Hey, girlie-boy."

The threatening voice of a man made Bridget look up and behind him in dismay.

Sol Badguy stood there and stared at him with a menacing glare.

What is Sol doing here? No way he can be messing with me for no reason –or maybe not, considering what Sir Ky warned us about… 

**"GUN FLAME!"**

Bridget just barely managed to jump over that monstrous gout of fire.

"Hey! What was that for?"

Sol didn't answer, just came on attacking.

**"BANDIT BRINGER! BANDIT REVOLVER! FAFNIR! FAKE GUNFLAME! TYRANT RAVE! DRAGON INSTALL!"**

"Waah! Leave me alone!"

Bridget ran into an alley but found it was a dead end. He turned to run out of it but Sol blocked his way.

I am so dead.

"Mister Badguy, why are you attacking me? I did nothing to you, ever! I don't mean to harm Dizzy, I love her very much! What do you have against me and Dizzy?"

Sol seemed to be breathing very heavily, almost as if he had a respirator on. The Guilty Gear raised a hand towards Bridget and hissed out four frightening words:

**"I AM HER FATHER."**

Bridget screamed and blacked out.

When Bridget woke up, he found himself lying on a gurney and dressed up in a hospital robe. "Am I dead?"

"No," a familiar voice told him. "Only in limbo."

The speaker was a sexy woman in red, a pointed hat on her head and eerily green eyes. Bridget recognized her at once.

"Miss I-Nou?"

"In the flesh. That Man wants to meet you."

"Huh?"

'That Man' –creator of the Gears, bearer of the hatred of millions of people (including and especially a certain one-eyed one-armed pink-haired Kenshin clone), evil psychotic genius extraordinaire– turned out to be a cute little girl of ten years wearing oversized aviator glasses and yellow jacket.

"Hello, Mr. Bridget. It is such a pleasure to meet you."

"You're 'That Man'?" Bridget was flabbergasted. "But, you're a little girl."

"All the more reason to disguise my identity. You won't believe how many people will take me home and adopt me as personal little sister if they knew my true guise."

Bridget was speechless.

"Ask Loki over at the _Demon Detective Ragnarok_ set," That Girl said as she nudged her glasses into place. "I swear; there are so many girls who think he's so cute. Actually, I do think he's cute, too."

"But why did a little girl like you do all of this?"

Those big spectacles shone sinisterly. "I am so tired of seeing all those anime and games and movies where we women in general and we 'little girls' in particular are reduced to such worthlessly clichéd roles with no room for growth or genius."

"Don't the Powerpuff Girls count for something?"

"They're not exactly kids, you know. So technically, no, they don't count."

"Oh. Okay."

"Anyway," continued That Girl; "Guilty Gear and its sequels GG X and GG XX were radical departures from that stereotyped image by featuring boss characters who were female and able to kick the ass of any male character in the game. Examples: Dizzy, I-Nou."

"Isn't Sol Badguy the exception to the rule?"

"What do you expect? No offense intended, but though Daisuke Ishiwatari is a great man, he is admittedly biased. Would he want his self-insert character to be a ten-pound weakling? Would you?"

"Well, no… but… what you're doing is wrong."

"Wrong. What I'm doing is right."

"Eh?"

That Girl nudged her glasses up a fraction of an inch. "If you would refer to the true timeline of Guilty Gear, Ky Kiske would have been dead and Potemkin, too; Sol Badguy would be the leader of the Holy Knights; Dizzy would be evil and the new leader of the Gear armies after Justice's death, et cetera, etcetera."

"But that never happened! Dizzy's not evil!"

"True, but that is because I dispatched Megumi to set things right. Actually, she had to time-slip twice after we learned there were still lots of things to be doing. What a Midnight Carnival it was."

"My head hurts from everything you've told me."

"So do the heads of the readers as well."

"What? What readers?"

"Sublime joke. Rest, perturbed Bridget, rest."

"One last thing." Bridget looked very confused, but he was gamely trying to keep his brain in focus. "You said all the Guilty Gear games had female bosses. But the original Guilty Gear had Justice as a boss."

"Ah, yes. Justice. Well, welcome to the big league, Bridget. Do brace yourself."__

Long silence.

"YOU MEAN TO SAY JUSTICE IS A GIRL???"

"YOU MEAN TO SAY JUSTICE IS A GIRL???" Bridget almost screamed in shock.

Yes, he screamed like a girl.

"Bravo," said That Girl while fixing her spectacles. Surprisingly, the glasses did not shatter at Bridget's high-pitched scream, unlike all the other glass in the room.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"Your intuition is superb. It would have taken Ky Kiske until the game's next production sequel to figure things out."

Cut Scene to Justice and Ky's confrontation from the original Guilty Gear game, with voice-overs and subtitles. (Voice-overs are not simultaneous with subtitles due to messy Codec and video piracy. Plus the English dubbers suck.)

**Ky: **horrid French accentI will bring justice upon you now, Justice!

**Justice:** Truly? What is justice, then? Answer!

**Ky:** …

**Justice:** Tell me! What is the justice you serve?

**Ky:** Can I pass?

**Justice:** No.

**Ky:** Can I select another question?

**Justice:** No.

**Ky: **Is this multiple choice?

**Justice:** No.

**Ky:** …

**Justice:** Your time is running up.

**Ky: …**Okay. I give up. What is the answer?

**Justice:** WHAT IS JUSTICE? suddenly is seated upon a throne of skulls and holding a wine glass in her hands NOTHING MORE THAN A MISERABLE PILE OF SECRETS! BUT ENOUGH TALK: X-LASER! (also known to fans as Orbital Destruction or 'Fly High and Blow Myself Up With Foe')

**Ky:** No!

**Justice:** As a consolation prize for joining this contest and confronting me, you receive the prize of not going to be painfully fried to a crisp in this fight. Be thankful; I will destroy you quickly and painlessly.

**Ky:** …Yippee…

Cut Scene again to Guilty Gear X with Ky meeting Sol and the two of them defeating Testament.

**Ky:** Sol, I know now what the meaning of justice is.

**Sol:** Really? What is it?

**Ky:** …

**Sol:** Well? Spit it out!

**Ky:** …

**Sol:** Cat got your tongue?

**Ky:** Actually, I forgot my script lines.

**Testament:** Ky, you idiot!

**Sol:** What do you expect? He's a blonde. He's French, too.

**Testament:** True. The Germans had invaded France three times, plus they trounced Napoleon's ass hard.

**Sol: **Not to mention the Americans got away with attacking Iraq. Chirac must be an idiot, too.__

**Ky:** Hey! That rhymes!

**Sol:** See? We could have won the American Revolution without the French.

**Dizzy:** Um, excuse me… but I think you are supposed to attack me?

**Faust:** WHATTA SAYKO!

But back to our hero…

Bridget screamed: "HOW ON EARTH DID JUSTICE BECOME A GIRL?"

"Peradventure we may shed light on that." That Girl nudged her glasses back into place. "I quote myself as saying to Dizzy in her Ending 1: 'You have your father's eyes.' By that father, I meant **Frederick Mercury**, also known as **Sol Badguy**. You do know that already, do you?"

"Yes," grimly muttered Bridget. He remembered, all right.

"Anyway, another proof of Sol being Dizzy's father is her EX Mode's move Necro Install, which is basically a modified version of Sol's Dragon Install."

"Right… but what does that have to do with Justice being a girl."

"Patience. I quote the opening battle sequence between Dizzy and Justice. I quote both characters' opening lines: **'What is this mysterious feeling?'**"

Bridget suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

That Girl continued: "I now quote the following moves of Dizzy in her normal mode: Hell Flames a.k.a **Imperial Ray**, **Gamma Ray, Strike Back With Tail**. I also quote her moves in her EX Mode: **Michael Sword**."

Bridget's bad feeling just got worse.

"I now quote Justice's moves: **Imperial Ray, Gamma Ray, Strike Back With Tail, Michael Sword**."

Bridget's bad feeling was all but nearly confirmed.

"Ergo, Justice is related to Dizzy closely as Dizzy possesses many of her moves. As Sol is Dizzy's father and Justice being female, Justice cannot be Dizzy's father. So, that leaves us to conclude that–"

"Justice is Dizzy's mother," bleakly finished Bridget.

"Exactly." That Girl smiled.

Oh, God.

Bridget could not believe what he had just learned.

"So you mean to say that Sol and Justice are Dizzy's parents?"

"In a sense." That Girl nudged his glasses back up on the bridge of her nose. "You see: We managed to get a sample of Sol's reproductive cells shortly before his escape from the laboratory. We artificially inseminated Justice with those cells and so produced a viable embryo specimen of a stable half-Gear: Dizzy."

"I can't believe this…"

"Oh, but you do need to believe."

"Yeah, and…"

Before Bridget could finish his sentence, there was a loud explosion from somewhere in the laboratory.

A man who suspiciously looked like fellow Englishman Axl Lowe appeared. "Miss Yuuki," he said, "We have a problem."

"I can see that clearly, Raven," coolly replied That Girl. "I can hear it, actually. It's her again, isn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Deal with her, please. I-Nou, you will accompany Raven. He'll need help."

"Yes, Mistress Yuuki." Raven departed with I-Nou in tow.

"Miss… Yuuki?" Bridget asked in disbelief.

That Girl –the girl also known as Yuuki– frowned slightly. "That is my real name."

"Then why bother calling yourself 'That Girl' for three straight chapters when the name 'Yuuki' takes less time to type?"

"Don't ask me that. I'm not the one this the fan fiction; Sheo Darren is. If you have any problem with his writing, there is the 'Submit Review' option on the lower left of the web page. Follow the self-explanatory directions. Sheo will gladly accept flames, as long as you review his work."

"And I thought Blackheart Zero and Lone Wolf Six were crazy."

"Actually, Sheo wrote this story at November 1 midnight up to 4 AM, while occasionally looking behind his back in fear that an _aswang_ –local Filipino vampire equivalent– is sneaking up on him. That is why it is a bit twisted. Just be thankful that he isn't Kaiser Ryouga II."

Bridget shivered. "Don't put that name in my mind."

"Why not? You seem to enjoy yourself a lot with Dizzy there–and May and April, too. Plus Millia and that Chinese girl …"

"Sheo, I thought you liked my character!"

A massive but sleepy voice answered Bridget's shriek. **"I did. But my computer crashed a few nights ago, deleting every fan fiction I was writing (that includes my Shaman King and latest Gundam Wing). I have to satiate the demands of the masses, you know."**

"That's no excuse!"

**"Knock it off. I'm the author. You should be happy to know that I'm still trying to rewrite my fiction, even if I'm forced to use my old first-flight Pentium 200 pc."**

"I am not hearing this."

A set of explosions followed.

"Oh, dear," Yuuki said.

"Now you're called 'Yuuki'?" Bridget sarcastically asked.

"As I have said before, blame Sheo, not me."

The same sleepy voice from above echoes with barely suppressed laughter.

Bridget was close to panicking. "What's the 'oh, dear' for?"

"Trouble," Yuuki said. "With a capital T."

Just as Yuuki had said that, I-Nou and Raven came flying through the air. Bridget ducked –Yuuki didn't because she was short enough– as the two minions of That Girl smashed into the wall.

Yuuki fixed her glasses again. "It appears that we are in for it."

"What do you mean?" Bridget demanded in panic. "What's coming?"

"Justice," Yuuki said simply.

"WHAT?"

"You heard me correctly. Justice."

"But Justice is dead!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Who said we couldn't bring her back?" calmly countered Yuuki.

"For crying out loud, this isn't Jurassic Park!"

"The basic principles are the same. Sufficient DNA recovery plus additional DNA infusions in order to repair damaged or missing strand sections, then insertion into a viable host and conception of that host in a new vessel for Justice."

"You are starting to sound worse than that Architect guy in Reloaded!"

"Which Reloaded?" Yuuki seemed honestly puzzled. "The movie or the Guilty Gear sequel?"

"Bloody hell, you know what I mean!"

"Is there a third option?"

A spine-chilling murmur from the darkness brought them to a halt.

"_KYO-KUN…"_

Bridget gaped. "That didn't sound like Justice."

"True, very true." Yuuki fixed her glasses again.

"Stop playing with your glasses," snapped Bridget.

"I am not 'playing with my glasses', as you so accuse."

"Yes you are. You've fixed them for seven times already in the whole story, two each for the previous three chapters, and once so far in this chapter."

Yuuki had to raise one of her eyebrows in admiration. "Observant, are you?"

"Just explain how that thing there is different from the original Justice model?"

"Justice and April share the same voice actor, so there should be at least some sort of similarity. However, there is no such similarity in the new model. You see I took the liberty of making…" That Girl paused while thinking of a good word. "Improvements."

"Improvements? What improvements?"

"We decided to simply insert the Justice DNA into a living person and so transform that person into a half-Gear."

"What's the difference in that?"

"The difference is in the person we took as our prototype."

Footsteps in the dark made Yuuki and Bridget turn to look at whomever –or whatever– was creating that noise.

"_KYO-KUN…"_

"Oh my Dizzy!" Bridget was horrified. "That's–"

"Yes," observed Yuuki calmly. "She is that scary girl from Fruits' Basket."

The scary girl from Fruit's Basket –the one who likes Kyo a lot– still looked her cute but scary way. The main difference was her hair, now a startling blood red whose length ran down her shoulders. White armor pods also encased her entire body. She was floating over the ground, a scary red aura encircling her.

The scary girl from Fruit's Basket did not look friendly. She looked psychotically obsessive, to say the least.

_"KYO-KUN…_" sibilantly drawled the awakened half-Gear in horribly accented English. _"I LOVE YOU… VERY… MUCH!!!"_

Bridget screamed like silly.

Bridget woke up in a sweat and gasping rapidly and looking like hell.

He was on a big bed, the white covers sliding away from his bare sweaty chest. There was no Sol Badguy, no Dizzy, no murderous Systems, no That Girl/Yuuki, and definitely NO twisted clones of Justice.

He was safe.

Beside him, a blanketed form stirred. "Are you okay?" a sleepy voice inquired.

"Yeah," Bridget sighed in relief. "Just a nightmare."

"Okay." There were some more stirring from beneath those covers, and Dizzy popped out. "Go back to sleep, Bridget-_chan_. You tire all of us out."

"Us?" Bridget turned to look at the figure that rose from the sheets.

Actually, it was _figures_.

Dizzy, April, Millia, Jam, Undine, St. Tale, Zio, that scary girl from Fruits' Basket and Yuuki –the last a teenager version– all looked at him adorably.

"Hello, Bridget-_chan_."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Bridget woke up in a sweat and gasping rapidly and looking like hell.

He was on a big bed, the white covers sliding away from his bare sweaty chest. There were no Dizzy, April, Millia, Jam, Undine, St. Tale, Zio, that girl from Fruit's Basket and a teenager Yuuki in his bed.

He was safe.

Beside him, a blanketed form stirred. "Are you okay?" a sleepy voice inquired.

"Yeah," Bridget sighed in relief. "Just a nightmare."

"Okay." There were some more stirring from beneath those covers. "Go back to sleep, Bridget-_chan_. You tire even me out."

"Sorry."

"You're forgiven."

"I had a bad dream. Dizzy was in it and–"

"Don't worry," the girl under the sheets advises sleepily. "Dizzy's better off with Testament, Ky is dating Millia, Johnny and Jam are out on vacation, your twin Jack is dating out with April, I-Nou and Axl are back together, and Sol and that girl with red hair and armor are still trying to kill each other."

"Right."

The girl beside him snuggled up to Bridget, her bare skin pressing on his own. "Now go to sleep with me, Bridget; it's cold, you know. I want a warm sleep."

He smiled. "Yes, dear."

Bridget lay down next to his beloved May and slept.

The End

**Final words from the author:**

**1) ****I am biased.**

**2) ****I am a fan of Bridget-May pairing up.**

**3) ****This is so shameless.**

**4) ****I have no idea what came over me to write this.**

**5) ****I promise not to write such insane crap ever again.**

**6) ****Yes, some of the pairings I made –April and Bridget's twin, Johnny-Jam, and Sol-Justice (yes, Sol-Justice)– are a bit nutty.**

**7) ****Just a bit.**

**8) ****Yes, Justice really is female. Yes, the story where Ky dies and other stuff is true. It is on the Guilty Gear Drama CD. I have never seen it myself, but my friends described it to me with great detail.**

**9) ****No, That Man is not really a ten-year old girl named Yuuki.**

**10) ****Yes, that girl from Fruit's Basket is really scary. Kyo-kun, start running!**

**Seriously: I like to pair May and Bridget because their hyperactivity goes hand-in-hand with each other. Plus, they're cute together. I can almost imagine the childish squabbles that end up with throwing evil teddy bears on bicycles and big pink whales at each other.**

**I have nothing against Bridget-Dizzy pairings. I'm just biased; I like May a lot.**

**So please, Kaiser Ryouga II, SPARE HER! PLEASE! I LOST ALL OF MY CURRENT FILES FOR GOOD; JUST GIVE ME THIS BOON AND I'LL REVIEW YOU FAVORABLY FOREVER!**

**Anyway: Thank you very much, all you who read this and review this.**


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